GOOD ENOUGH PARENTING: When Good Enough is Better Than Perfect

A month ago, I signed up to receive an ebook about parenting, Good Enough Parenting: The Sensible Discipline Guide for New Parents by Lisl Fair. The offer for a free copy of a book that focused on disciplining came at an opportune time. We were having trouble disciplining our two children and I was feeling frustrated, not to mention incompetent, for not being able to discipline them properly.

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Our kids are age three and four and my husband and I are still novices at parenting. Moreover, we’ve been raised in entirely different family backgrounds. My parents never resorted to corporal punishment while his parents did not spare the rod. Aside from this, my husband and I also have completely opposite temperaments and often have conflicting views on certain discipline tactics. I can’t even count how many times we’ve argued when I found his disciplining too harsh.

Aside from differences in our methods of discipline, I also happen to be one insecure parent. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve broken down and felt so horrible for not being a good parent. Prior to getting married and having kids, I’ve always thought that I would be a perfect housewife and a perfect mother to my children. Then came the kids and the realization that parenting is not as easy as just pleasing your children and keeping them happy and well-loved. There are things you don’t expect to have to think about like juggling life and retirement in terms of what you’re spending on your kids.

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Good Enough Parenting reassures moms like me that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. We all lose it at times and we will make several mistakes at parenting but being the best parent that we can be for our children is more than enough to help them grow as mature, responsible and loving individuals.

While other parenting books claim some fool-proof disciplining method that would work like magic in our homes, Good Enough Parenting merely suggests ways to train our children but acknowledges that each family is unique and each one would require a unique disciplining goal. The book gives us specific instances (and I can relate to most of them, really!) where behaviour problems arose and how the author was able to deal with them at home.

Parents are also encouraged to have their own parenting goals and a set of discipline tactics that are well suited to each child’s personality. For parents with multiple children, it is important to know and understand the nature of each child as this is essential in providing the love that they need while training them. Our aim as parents is to shape our children’s will and build their character, not control their lives. I have learned that discipline and training can be done in an atmosphere of love and acceptance.

I am not a perfect parent but I am good enough for my children. I’m the Tottering Mama and will most likely teeter-totter in my journey as a parent, but I am assured that even my little children will learn from my stumbles and grow up as independent and responsible adults. After reading Good Enough Parenting, I now realize that striving for perfection is a futile endeavour. Sometimes, good enough is better than perfect.

 

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Disclosure: Apart from receiving an ecopy of the book from Brainy Connections, I did not receive any compensation for this post and all opinions are solely mine.



Discipline Dilemma: When Kids Refuse To Listen and To Obey

Several weeks ago, my playful little boy almost got run over by a car when he ran out of the school gates and into the street.  I can’t remember how many times he has gotten himself into trouble for doing something so rash.  This though was the most serious of all and could have been fatal had the driver not been alert.  Until now, the image of my little Jakei smiling so innocently at me standing in the middle of the street while a car was driving down the road is etched in my mind. He was oblivious to the harm that was about to befall him; I was utterly devastated watching what was about to happen to him.  It seemed like something out of a horror movie with me running and shouting for my son to come back to me.  I shall forever be grateful to the Lord for protecting my little boy that day.

Naturally, I lay the blame on myself for not having been fast enough to outrun him; for not being authoritative enough to cause him to stop with a single command.  Partly, I blamed whoever left the school gate wide open which tempted my Jakei to run out.  One thing I’m certain though, he would not have run out had he been disciplined enough to listen to me.  Again, I am to blame for this.  I’ve been a very permissive parent, and a playful one at that.  My kids are so used to my being their playmate that oftentimes they forget that I am a mother they should heed and respect.

So, what steps have I taken to rectify this? I’ve tried shouting, not sparing the rod, and giving punishments for disobedience and bad behaviour.  Although this apparently works for other children, this mode of discipline has made my kids turn for the worse.  They’ve started hitting and shouting as well.  It may seem amusing to see them imitate my or my husband’s exact tone of voice but, really, it breaks my heart to see them so terribly angry like that – like us.

That change in behavior definitely called for another discipline tactic to be employed.  Positive discipline is what I’m trying to implement now.  Positive discipline is neither permissive nor punitive.  Instead of immediately punishing them for misbehavior, we try to figure out what pushes them to do certain actions and work on changing those.  We are learning that it is possible to be firm yet kind at the same time.  It’s still too soon to see the effect of positive disciplining in my children as we’ve only started with it now(and hopefully, not too late!).  However, I have noticed that they do indeed respond better to praise and encouragement than to reprimands.  Also, it has caused me less emotional stress.  My kids and I still drive each other crazy, but at least we’re all happy about it. 😀

How about you, how do you discipline your children?  Do share it with me and I just might try and see if it works here at home.